I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
