I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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