i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
