I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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