I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
