it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
