im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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