I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
