Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
