okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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