there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
