Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize