dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
