why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
