i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
