Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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