I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
