His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
