Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
