He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
