He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
