Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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