just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
