So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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