I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
