i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
