Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
