Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
