I think my vagina is haunted
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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