Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
