woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
