new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize