How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
