what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
