If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
