giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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