I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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