she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Less talking, more tequila
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
