It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
