Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
