I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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