I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
