Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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