here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
