Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
