Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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