Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
