whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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