How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
