Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize