Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
