I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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