I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
