i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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