Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
