There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize