Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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