So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
