Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We need to get me chipped asap
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
