I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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