I cannot find my penis.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
