Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
