The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize