RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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