Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
