is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
