So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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