i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
