It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
