We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
