You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize