If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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