Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
