I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
