omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
