I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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