as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
