I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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