I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
