awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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