A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
