mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
