Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
PANTIES FOUND
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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