What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
