just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
