Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
