He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize