it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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