i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
