dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
