What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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