Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
