I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize