I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
