College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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