The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
