He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
