I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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