i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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