apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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