She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
