we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
