I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
