when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
