she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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